Losing You
by FlysWithNoWings
Summary: Two years after the death of her husband, Prince Rasler, Ashe still won't let go, but she must if she ever wants to see him again. RXA Chapter 2 is up! Finally
1. Kiss Me Again

_The dream, she had floated into it again it had been reality once, two years ago._ _They laid on a hammock strung between two trees on a private island in Dalmasca; the waves lightly lapped the shore._ _She ran her fingers through his short, spiked blonde hair. Somehow this time the dream was different though, "Ashe," his voice was velvet to her ears, "I've watched you morn my death for two years, I cannot go across to my forefathers because you cling to my soul. Remember there's a time to mourn and a time to laugh. Ashe, you're nineteen years old, yet you carry the sorrows my mother holds now_ _and she is_ _an old_ _widow who has lost her husband and only son. Yet I feel as if I should be mourning your death instead, you walk around the city like a ghost. No one knows you are alive because they believe you died from your sorrows of losing your first husband. Don't do this to yourself Ashe." he pleaded with her._

"_Do you know what you ask me Rasler Heios Nabradia_ _do you know what you ask me? You ask me to let go of the one that I love most and just forget you, I can't do that Rasler, I_ _can't." His eyes screamed in pain and he wrapped his arms tighter around her, "Now Ashelia_ _B'nargin_ _Dalmasca_ _Nabradia, I don't remember telling you to forget me. Let me pass on, love my memory-yes, remember me-yes, but if you hold onto my soul I might not be able to get to the other side when you pass on. We would never be reunited. I have till the new moon. I promise I will be back every night before_ _it. Sleep well my love, my Ashe." _

Ashe awoke before dawn with tears rolling down her cheeks; she hastily wiped them away and started to calculate things in her mind. She had thirty-one nights left with Rasler; would naps count would she see him every time she slept, or dreamt? She wrapped her arms around herself and stood. She walked onto a sand dune and let the wind flutter her hair.

"_You feel that Ashe? I believe every time wind passes you like this, so gently, a lost loved one is kissing you." Rasler had whispered in her ear. "You know what I think?" She asked teasingly, "No tell me." She smirked, "I think you're full of something." _The wind blew again, a raspy sob passed through Ashe's lips. "Kiss me again Rasler."She whispered.

Ashe ran her fingers through her short, silky, sepia toned hair. Penelo and Vaan were counting the Gil Vaan had stolen so they could eat; this always annoyed her since she had Gil they could use. Basch and Balthier were debating on the best battle tactics, and Fran was practicing archery about fifty feet away from their temporary camping sight.

She stood up and wiped the sand off her pants, "Where do you think you're going princess?" Balthier asked. "I _am _going for a walk, got a problem with that?" her eyes dared him to counter her. "Come back before dark, we aren't sending out a search party if you get lost." "You really think I would get lost…Yeah right!" Ashe scoffed. Vaan watched her as she left the camp. He could tell something was wrong.


	2. Hopeless Romantic

Ashe positioned herself beneath an overhanging rock and let a tear slip down her cheek. She closed her eyes and remembered.

_-_

_She was sitting in an open field, fresh spring flowers in bloom around her. She was humming quietly, eyes closed. Two gentle hands covered her eyes, "Rasler." She breathed. He removed his hands and placed them on her shoulders. "Back so soon?" It was barely a whisper. She smiled, "I figured it'd be easier to let go if I actually had memories enough to dwell on when you are gone. If you had not gone..."_

_Rasler stood in front of her now taking her hands in his, "Do not. For if you think of if than's and could have been's than yours and mine fate are sealed." Ashe nodded, "When I learned of your death, I would not believe it. I stood on the steps of the castle each day that you and your regiment were gone. And when they brought back your body, I stood there shaking my head desperately. I ran. As fast and as far away as I could, but my guards were faster and they held me close and told me that I didn't have to look. But I wanted to look, god I wanted to look. And when I did, I could've sworn it was a wax replica. Never had I seen you so motionless and silent as you were in the casket. I wanted to turn and scream that that wasn't you, that they were all mistaken. Instead I fell to my knees and desperately held back every tear I wanted to shed at that moment. I remember everyone trying to tell me that it would be better, but none of them knew of my pain. But each night when I would weep in our bed chambers I always felt like you were there beside me telling me 'Be strong Ashelia, be strong for our countries. Be strong for me.' And I tried, I would attend meetings but I would here nothing except for, 'Now that Prince Rasler is dead,' and 'With no heir to the Nabradian throne'. I couldn't take it!" She was weeping now, she tried to talk again but he pressed a finger to her lips and then gently kissed her cheek._

"_When the arrow penetrated my heart, I felt no pain, because it had already happened before but in a much less dignified manner. When we met as children, I remember thinking that you were a nuisance and I could not understand why in all of Nabradia my father wanted me to play with you. Each year I would come visit again, until I was thirteen I was exempt from coming because I had to learn to fight. When I came to see you again when I was sixteen I almost passed out. An arrow struck my heart and I couldn't breathe. I remember you asking me if I was alright and if I needed a glass of water. So when I was literally hit with an arrow I could not feel it, but the whole time I saw your face when we met again. I remember thinking, that something was wrong, and that I would have to apologize profusely when I got home, to you. When I 'awoke' ,lets call it, I remember seeing you on the bed desperately holding your pillow rocking back and forth, gasping for air and shaking your head. I went by the bed and called your name but you didn't hear me. So I ran my fingers through your hair and eventually you fell asleep. I sat there telling you just how sorry I was, but you didn't hear me. I stood by your side while you looked into my casket and called to you that I was beside you, and that was only a casing, but again you didn't hear me. And at night, I was there telling you to be strong. Now at least I know you heard something I said."_

_Ashe wrapped her arms around him and placed her head on his shoulder. "I wanted you back so desperately, and I dreamt of you every night. And when I saw the illusion of you I wanted it to be you, I urgently wanted it to be you."_

"_I remember trying to leave, to go across. But every time I did, there was a tug and no matter what I did I couldn't move. So I would walk in this world with noone seeing me, and I would watch you. And you were broken and mourning. But I also saw others like me, telling me how many moons they had been here because their loved one's wouldn't let them go. They told me how many moons they had to cross. And I realized I had to tell you, it took me nearly all of the two years to finally get in your head." Rasler smiled, "When you get there, wherever there is, I will hold onto you and never let you go."_

_Ashe laughed gently, "You always were a hopeless romantic."_

"_Me? Than why are we here?" He asked gesturing around himself, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips._

_Ashe flushed, "Will you truly make me say it."_

_Rasler nodded, "I will make you spell out every word."_

_Ashe stood and took his hands, "It was the year before the wedding, and you'd come to see me again. I didn't know yet, and our countries were in conflict so you didn't say anything. You were so upset. I thought it was something I'd done. So when we went walking, I took your hand and we just kind of walked in silence." she took his hand and began to walk, "And when we reached the pond," she gestured in front of her, "You took my other hand and just stared at me, trying to memorize my face, I believe is how you put it later. And I got so nervous, I didn't know if you were going to kill me or kiss me. First you just closed your eyes and pressed your forehead to mine. And I had to close my eyes so I wouldn't hyperventilate. And then you pressed your lips to my forehead, our normal parting gesture, and then you went to leave and I began to protest and you covered your face with one of your hands for a second and just stood there." _

_He nodded for her to continue._

"_So I walked up to you and took your hands from your face and smiled at you when you opened your eyes. And then you kissed me really hard, and I was so surprised that I fell backwards into the pond. And you thought I didn't like it so you helped me out and then tried to run after apologizing, but I grabbed your arm and kissed you."_

"_You got me all wet in the process, so we had to tell our fathers that you had tripped and fallen into the pond and I had to jump in and rescue you." He smiled at the memory._

_Ashe nodded, "If it hadn't been for the fact that our lips were bruised and our hands were wound together, they might have believed us."_

"_It was that night our parents told us both formally we were betrothed, I had known for a year then. But you, you looked incredibly excited. I thought it was because of the kiss, but then later on you told me you had loved me since you were six years old."_

"_Remember when we went out after curfew while you were visiting?" Ashe smiled fondly at the memory._

"_I had never been so embarrassed in my life." Rasler said reaching out to hold her._

"_We were here, everything special besides our wedding happened here. The first time we kissed, the first time you told me you loved me....the first time we made love." She whispered._

"_The last time we made love." He wiped a tear that was forming from her eye._

_Ashe looked up at him and he gently pressed his lips to hers, "Someone's coming, I will see you when you come back to visit me."_

_She shook her head, "I'm not ready to go yet."_

"_I love you." Rasler whispered gently turning the ring on her finger._

_-_

Then she was being roughly shaken awake by Balthier, "Come princess, back to the ship we just got a call that vacation has to end early. Ba'Gamman's men are on our tales."

Ashe frowned but followed, _"I'll see you soon, love."_


End file.
